Listen the First Time

I lay on my bed completely incapacitated. I couldn't do anything until I made this decision. A decision I had made before but, for some reason, I felt like I needed to reconsider the opposite choice. 

You see, a couple of months ago I decided that once I was finished with my music teaching jobs at the local college I would start writing and editing again. But when I found out there was a full-time music teaching job reopening at the elementary school across the street from me, I stopped to reconsider: Should I apply for that job? After all, music education is what I received my bachelor's degree in. And I LOVE music and I LOVE children. 

But...a full-time job would not really mix well with my family situation right now. Moreover, when would I attack all these new writing plans I just made for myself?

I stewed and mulled over this for a long time. Then I said a prayer and stewed some more. Then I got the thought to read my journal. 

And what do you know? I found FIVE journal entries where I had pondered and prayed about whether or not to continue with my writing and I came to the same conclusion each time.

One entry, in particular, was when I had been pondering the EXACT SAME THING: should I apply for the music teaching job across the street? I wrote about a very stressful night and a day before coming to the conclusion that writing and editing were to be my current path.

I found two more entries this year stating that after much contemplating I felt I should pursue a writing career. I felt calm and peaceful about it. And then I spotted two more entries from over a year ago stating the same thing.

So whenever I think about getting a full-time music job I get stressed, when I think about pursuing writing I feel peaceful.

Now the real question is, why am I still asking the same question when I have received the same answer so many times???

I think the reason for that is this: I feel a bit sad about not taking the music job because I love music and children so much and I'm also qualified for it. I feel nostalgic and a little sorry to see this opportunity pass by. I pray and hope that I will find a way to still keep music in my life because it IS very important to me. 

However, I would also feel sad if I had to take another hiatus from my writing. I've been taking too many. I am looking forward to starting again!

Here's to new beginnings!